Oh dear it appears the Hive has a serious infestation of ‘mischievous/naughty Boggarts’. Or at least they appear to be getting the blame for several misdemeanours lately.
Buzzbee: “I didn’t cut holes in the drapes on your bed or try to fix it by cutting a patches the same size out of daddy’s Pyjamas” “I think the Boggart was experimenting with the scissors he found in daddy’s drawers and then realised he had made a mistake and tried to fix it before you found out”
Boys: “We did as you asked; we put all my dirty washing in the washing basket. But, the Boggarts are trying to cause trouble. They must be taking all of it back out of the basket and shoving it under our beds and in the corners of our rooms”
Beeswax: “The last time I looked all my clothes were put away neatly in the wardrobe and drawers!” “Maybe the Boggarts took them all back out, screwed them up and then shoved them back in just to make you cross because they were mad at you for not letting them have fun”
Beeswax: “I did not wee on the landing carpet! And it wasn’t the Boggarts either!” “The cats were angry with you after our argument about homework and did it”
Beeswax: “I did not break Buzzbee’s toys” “Buzzbee was annoying me and the Boggarts probably decided it would teach him a lesson”
Buzzbee: “I don’t know how Bee-dog got past the stairgate and got upstairs to chase the cats!” “Maybe the Boggarts forgot and ‘accidently’ left the stairgate open. They have a lot on their mind at the moment and keep forgetting to do things”
Beeswax: “I didn’t mean to kick holes in the doors or walls! I was trying to kick the Boggarts. I am fed up with them always trying to get us in trouble”
Ok, so just with these few statements it is obvious that what I am really talking about, is my boys ‘crazy lying’ and their inability to take responsibility for their actions/mistakes.
I would be lying if I said that their ‘crazy lying’ doesn’t drive me around the bend and there are days when I simply cannot tolerate it or have no idea how to deal with it and I am pretty sure I am not alone in feeling like this. Then there are those days where I truly amaze myself and manage to turn it back onto those naughty little imps (the Boggarts not my boys) and use it as an opportunity to reflect about what might really be going on.
Boys: “We didn’t make all this mess! We put all the DVDs and computer games back in their boxes and put them away like you told us too.”
Honey: “I guess the Boggarts have been up to their mischief again, maybe they thought I would believe that you didn’t really do what I had asked first time and so could get away with taking them all back out. Oh well, if you work together you can get it all put away again properly”
Boys: “We did make our beds and tidy our bedrooms today! It was tidy when we left them”
Honey: “Oh I get it. Those naughty Boggarts have come in your rooms when you were not looking and undid all your hard work. I am really sorry they did that but I now need you to re-make your beds and re-tidy your rooms”
Buzzbee: “I don’t know how the toilet roll got so wet; I didn’t drop it in the toilet”
Honey: “I guess it was an accident. If it wasn’t you maybe one of the boggarts dropped it after using the toilet and left it because he thought he might get in trouble if he was found out”
Buzzbee: “Yes I did go to the toilet but I never smeared anything on the walls and mirror”
Honey: “Oh dear that poor Boggart is having a really tough time in the bathroom lately. I guess when he tried to wipe his bottom he didn’t quite get it right and managed to get poop on his fingers and then didn’t know what to do so wiped it on the wall. Do you know what? I think it would be really nice if you helped him out by getting a cloth and giving the walls a clean for him”
Boys: “We didn’t leave all our toys all over the place! We picked them all up off the floor, like you told us too”
Honey: “Are you telling me that the Boggarts made this mess? Oh well can you both please pick them all up and put them away again before Bee-dog chews them up or worse still chokes on one of them. If you see the Boggarts before I do can you remind them how important it is to keep toys out of the reach of the puppy. I know how upset you get when she does damage your toys.”
Beeswax: “I didn’t steal sweets from the larder and then hide the empty wrappers inside my curtain pole, why would I do that?”
Honey: “Wow, those Boggarts are getting sneakier and how clever of them to think of hiding the evidence in your curtain pole. I wonder why they felt the need to take the sweets without asking first and then leave you to take the blame for it. I guess they were afraid if they asked for them I would say ‘no’”
Buzzbee: “I didn’t throw water all over bathroom floor when I had my bath”
Honey: “Well if it wasn’t you I will have to remind the Boggarts that while it is ok to have fun in the bath and splash around. They need to be careful not to let the water get on the floor as it will make the floor slippery and you could hurt yourself when you get out of the bath”
Boys: “We don’t know who keeps using mummy’s toiletries or make-up or who keeps emptying all the shampoo bottles in the bathroom”
Honey: “Do you think maybe the Boggarts were trying to make weird science experiments. I wonder if they realise how sad this makes mummy sometimes when her personal items are used without asking first. Maybe we can find some samples that they can use instead”
Beeswax: “I do not start making humming, tapping or bumping noises in the night just after you both go to bed!”
Honey: “Ok well if that is the case maybe it is the Boggarts and if so I need to have a chat with them and reassure them that they do not need to make so much noise just to get my attention. I know they are there and I will never forget them”
Beeswax: “I don’t keep making noises outside Buzzbee’s bedroom at night, trying convincing him that ‘bad guys’ are trying to get in his room and hurt him”
Honey: “I think I need to sit down with the Boggarts because it is not Ok to do this to Buzz. I need to try and understand why they want Buzzbee to feel so frightened. Maybe they are feeling pretty scared themselves but don’t know how to talk about it and in an odd way, making Buzz feel bad helps the Boggarts feel a little better. “
Buzzbee: “I don’t know how the Wii nunchuck cable got chewed while I was playing a game?”
Honey: “Maybe while you were playing, the Boggarts was concentrating hard or getting a little anxious and started sucking or chewing it without noticing he was doing it. Remind me next time you are playing to make sure I let you take a lollypop or something with you and then maybe if the Boggart feels the need to chew something he will enjoy that more”
Now, some of you may say that I am enabling them to continue with this level of dissociation from their actions and, I will admit there have definitely been days where I have wished that I had been more direct with them both but if I have learnt one thing about my boys – it is confrontation will inevitably result in a complete meltdown and the opportunity to explore what the behaviour was about will have been lost completely.
I guess you could say that during some of their more ludicrous ‘crazy lying’ sessions I adjust my affect to them and join them in their fantasy as a tool to help them make sense of what is happening without sending them to ‘planet shame’ Although sometimes I do need to watch my sarcasm (that is what I get living with a pre-teen), the tone of the dialogue, always remains open and is usually playful.