Well we have finally done it. Last week we finally had our Adoption Celebration Hearing and are now legally the boy’s parents, and it feels appropriate to write this post during National Adoption Week for #WASO
We managed to get the boys to the court and through the proceedings almost without incident, despite the lateness in the day and the interruption to their routines. Both boys were extremely nervous (Okay so were Bumble and I, but we had to appear calm for their sake). Buzzbee nearly flipped out when we entered the court room and the judge came out all robed up. He is dinky and the room was big and intimidating to him. But it wasn’t until we left the court that the stress of it was all too much for the boys and they attempted to annihilate each other for a few seconds.
The rest of our afternoon/evening celebration was wonderful and I got my first genuine “I love you” from Beeswax (Okay it was because we had brought him something he has been wanting for some time, but I will take that). Since the hearing Buzzbee has taken to checking at any opportunity that we really mean ‘forever’ and has taken it one step further and monologues as he climbs in to his “forever bed” every night, drinks his “forever hot chocolate”, and has a goodnight kiss from his “forever mummy and daddy”.
It has taken us more than 4 years and throughout our journey to adoption we have had more ups and downs, twists and turns, and have had to loop the loop more times than the scariest ride at a theme park.
- I have gained so many new hats throughout my time with the boys, some favourable, some hysterical and some I would gladly do without.
- I have felt that I have had to prove myself over and over again.
- I nearly lost my boys due to the trauma that their history brought to our household.
- I am constantly fighting for my boy’s needs to be met.
- I have pretended to throw a tantrum in a supermarket to diffuse a colossal meltdown (I’ll let you into a little secret – sometimes I am not pretending).
- I have learnt more about football and dinosaurs than I ever imagined, and sometimes I even manage to pronounce the names correctly (although Carcharodontosaurus is still a mouthful).
- I have learnt that no matter how difficult a day it has been with my boys, they will always at some point unintentionally have me chuckling for one reason or another (usually because of their fantastic logical reason for their actions. “It is not my fault that I throw Buzz’s toys down the stairs at you. You told Buzz to put them away earlier so they shouldn’t have been there.”)
The list is endless.
Although we were approved as prospective adopters, we met our boys through respite fostering and I don’t mind telling you that, out of the countless children we provided respite for, Beeswax and Buzzbee were the only 2 children that broke my heart every time I had to hand them back to their foster carer. We had very young babies, we had sibling groups (come to think of it all but one of the placements we had were sibling groups), and I even offered emergency daytime respite but none of them ever had the effect my boys had on me.
There was always something there – something special! Something I still cannot explain and this was unconsciously reciprocated by the boys over the several times they stayed with us.
Buzzbee had claimed our home, pet and neighbour’s daughter very quickly and, according to their foster carer, would get excited by the knowledge of coming to stay or me coming to babysit.
Beeswax’s claiming was definitely sub-conscious. Beeswax knew that we provided respite for other children but as the visits increase, Beewax’s questions went from “what children slept in the room?” to “Who was sleeping in my room?” and the biggest give away came in the form of his ‘hopes and wishes for his forever family’ comment sheet for is adoption profile. Each thing he wrote described Bumble, his career and personality, myself and all the bizarre skills that I have that he and I had discussed during his stay. He described with specifics our pet, his ideal new home and so much more.
Up until that day we had always thought that it wasn’t possible for us to be considered to adopt them because I had on several occasions met the birth family (well grandparents and extended family) but Beeswax’s list changed everything.
There had to be a way to make it work and that is exactly what we did and how I am now sat here writing this post, welling up with emotion and finally able to say to my boys “I am your mum, now and forever!”
Would I change a thing? Well, there is plenty I would change for the sake of my boys if it were in my power. So maybe the question should be – if I had the chance to do it all again, would I do it differently?
I can’t say I wouldn’t and I can’t say I would. Each of our childrens’ needs are different and what is best for one is not necessarily best for another. I have learnt so much from my boys. But thing is sure – if I had the chance to do it all again, I would still choose my boys!
Yes there are difficult times and it would be wrong of me to suggest otherwise but at the top of every thorny rose there is a beautiful flower waiting to bloom. So blossom swiftly and some take their time but each and every one of them hold a special place in my heart.
Yes, I missed out on their early milestones – I may not have given birth to my son’s. I may not have seen them take their first steps or heard them say their first word. I couldn’t protect them from what they have seen and heard, and I can’t take those memories away. But, for every milestone I missed I have so many more that have been made since the boys moved in and each one is as precious as petals on those rose buds.