Doing what has to be done

I am frantically trying to put a post together for The Adoption Social’s #WASO in a week that can only be described as an ‘emotional’ and ‘hectic’ week shrouded in secrecy in order to allow Beeswax to enjoy celebrating a milestone birthday without it being overshadowed by grief and resulting in yet another birthday for him being sabotaged by circumstances which were beyond anyone’s control.

I started to write a post last week but never managed to finish it but I think before I write about what it is we have been hiding from the boys, I thought that I would add the original opening sentence of the unfinished post

In the coming few weeks and months, I have a feeling I know emotions and tensions are going to reach an all-time high in ‘the hive’ (but for now I can’t go into why) but I know I am going to have to dig deep into my tool bag to support everyone.

I like to think that my tool bag has an inexhaustible amount of skills and tricks and is extremely flexible, but I suspect that to keep everyone on track I may have to use some of my ‘safe bet’ activities more than I would usually prefer to in order for one or all of us to have the breathing space they need without the boys misinterpreting responses from others – thank heavens for annual memberships.

When I say a ‘safe bet activity’! What I mean is a trip or visit somewhere that I can take the boys on my own without worrying about needing a second adult to help me manage them.  To be fair I have a couple of places where this is achievable because there is so much for the boys to do and interact with appropriately, or there is the opportunity for the boys to have their own space and do their own things while still being monitored by myself.

Ok! So at the time of writing this sentence, Bumble’s mum had just told him that her treatment was no longer working and she had made the decision to stop any more treatment. Obviously Bumble needed time to process this information himself, but we also agreed that we would wait until after Beeswax’s birthday to tell the boys and begin preparing them for her eventual passing – she was terminal but everyone believed we had time to plan for telling them.

Fast forward to the beginning of this week (only days before Waxy’s birthday) and Bumble received the phone call he never wanted to receive and my father-in-law definitely did not want to make.

My mother-in-law passed away suddenly that afternoon.

Wheels had been set in motion that we hadn’t prepared for, but very quickly (or in some people’s eyes, quite alarmingly considering how emotional people know I can be) I have switched into pilot mode, making arrangements for Bumble to be able to drive up and join his dad and brothers, contacting people who needed to be informed of the reason for Bumble’s absence (work and the director of the show Bumble has a role in) while at the same time making sure that, at home everything still ran as usual so that Buzzbee could not pick up on anything.  I will not lie – having Beeswax at school during the week made this a lot easier. I am not sure I would have been able to keep my composure for very long – he is in ultra-button pushing mode at the moment and he would almost definitely push either Bumble’s or mine and then….. Well that would be a whole different post.

Although I have hated lying to the boys this week, it has been the right thing to do I believe.  Beeswax has for as long as I have known him justifiably felt that his birthday is jinxed and that something always happens to ruin his birthday – I was determined that I was going to give him a birthday he could enjoy and remember with happiness before he found out and would once again confirm in his mind, his negative view that his birthday is ‘Jinxed’.

Tomorrow I will have to tell them. I won’t be able to put it off any longer (I should have been telling them today).  He has already made comments, wondering why Granny and Grandpa didn’t ring him on his special birthday.

We got around it by yet again lying and telling him that they probably thought he would be having too much fun on his day out for his birthday.

Will I be for the high jump tomorrow? I really don’t know but I have to hope that they will understand why we made the decisions we did.

I honestly do not know how they are going to take the news – hey, I don’t even know how Bumble is really doing. He has been morphed into Winston Churchill and putting up a ‘Dunkirk spirit’ persona – he hasn’t shut me out, but he is certainly not giving anything away either.  But as I said at the beginning! I will have to dig down deep into my bag of tricks and tools to help them all through the coming weeks. At the same time I have to also decide whether it is best to begin preparing the boys for my nan’s failing health (I don’t know about this yet).  As for my own grief – I am sure it is there somewhere. I was very fond of my MIL but for now I need to be in Mummy/Wife mode and I have become quite skilled at pushing my emotions to the background.

Oh I almost forgot!

The special birthday present for Beeswax’s birthday!

A private Skiing lesson at an Indoor Snowdome, and it was a HUGE success. But, more about that in the week (I have photos to edit first).

Rest In Peace GrannyBee

Rest In Peace GrannyBee

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3 thoughts on “Doing what has to be done

  1. So sorry for your loss, to all of you. Well done for giving him a birthday that is positive. Don’t forget to get some caring for you, while you are looking after everyone else.

    I hope the telling has gone OK and the sinking in and responding is not too difficult for you all. Xx

    • Thank you. The boys knew something coming when I made them hot chocolate with whipped cream. So far there has been little reaction from either of them, but they are both very reflective so will think it over probably for a day or two.
      Waxy did try to suggest his jinx theory but I was armed with a slideshow of pictures from his birthday to challenge that opinion.

  2. Pingback: The things we do: Transition to a successful birthday | 3beesandahoney

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