Almost guilt free self-care

This weeks #WASO theme is ‘Taking Care’ and I couldn’t think of a more appropriate theme to write about on the eve of the first The Open Nest conference.

One evening last week I had a lovely long chat with a wonderful and amazing lady who has not known me for an age, in fact I have only met her once and all our communication up until that point has been through Twitter, Email or this blog (Oops I forgot more recently Facebook).
I am sure this wonderful lady will not realise how much her words have resonated with me since our talk and has, along with reasons outside of my control, made me sit up and look at what I have been doing and how damaging that it is for me – you only have to see me hobbling about on my crutches to realise this.

Has my biggest coping tool turned into something destructive? Have I kept my ‘perky’ persona up for so long that it is now my default mode the moment I feel I am moving into a point of uncomfortable emotions and now people struggle to see through it – or at least they minimise situations if I have dared to be open with them? – completely my fault, I know!

Maybe I should have called this post ‘The madness of Honey’ because to be honest I wouldn’t blame anyone for believing I am loosing the plot at the moment.  Here am I going through yet another difficult time with Waxy but what am I doing?
I am more perky than usual – almost manic you could say, at times!
I know this is probably what I need to do at the moment or at least I believe that is what others need from me, but it isn’t helping matters because at a time when I quite honestly am questioning whether I can keep my family together for much longer or support Waxy in a way that means we are all safe, I also need to be completely honest with several people about the impact recent events has had on the household. The only problem with this is getting over the hurdle of being afraid of what might happen or is said if I do this – my own worst enemy, I know!

So what is with the perky persona?
Ok first of all, I have always and will probably always be someone who is far better at caring for others than she is at looking after herself, but to hear the words I heard from someone who I barely know (but who understands how much you need to put in for our children), to say that I needed to ‘stop what I was doing and slow down before I make myself ill’, hit me hard but in an oddly positive way.
Other than Bumble it has been a long time since anyone has noticed things are not as they seem and have been honest enough to tell me what I needed to hear, and while I must have seemed so rude to her when I struggled with her praise and found myself lost for an appropriate response because like my boys I find it very difficult to accept (but there is nothing new there, I always struggle with this).

So while I know that it is hard to break a habit of a life time, this weekend I am child and husband free, owing to the fact that I am heading north to ‘the open nest’ conference, and I am going to take this time to truly take care of myself and try and relax – so far so good, despite my train being late, I have managed to turn it into positives with some wonderful eye candy on the train (community police officers) who were more than accomodating helping me hobble off the train with my case and crutches and then back onto my connecting train but not before I managed to grab the biggest slice of chocolate cake I could find, and now I am lied here writing this post while snuggled under a cosy duvet, in a giant double (maybe king size) bed, after my first undisturbed bubble bath in…. heaven knows how long.

Still I am already missing my 3 gorgeous men and have rang a couple of times this evening to check on them all – hey! I can’t switch off completely.
After a wobbly, emotional start for Buzzbee when I left, he and Waxy are wrapping their dad around their little fingers and are having a ball already down at ‘Nanny and Grandad’s caravan’ and Buzz has gleefully told me has made a new friend already and can’t wait for the Halloween party tomorrow afternoon and for their cousins to join them too – Good Luck Bumble!

So while the boys will be having the time of their lives tomorrow (I hope), I am looking forward to tomorrow myself and all that it brings.

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8 thoughts on “Almost guilt free self-care

    • I think the guilt free self care is a work in progress but at least it is a start. As for the conference! What can I say. It was wonderful and so many fantastic speakers.

  1. So glad to have met you this weekend and delighted to learn there are new possibilities for adopter-led support for both of us. Self-care, so very, very important and should always be guilt free. Not easy, I know, alongside home-schooling. Hope you got home okay and the cats weren’t too attention seeking. Your dancing and tackling train platform steps on crutches was masterclass in flexibility!

    • It was lovely to meet you too. The cats completely snubbed me but received the best hug from Buzz when he got home. I have come back with a renewed determination to get our LA to consider implementing into their annual fostering and adoption conference a slot for a user led portion to the day.

  2. Sending you lots of love as always and agreeing very much with your wise friend. You are an amazing mum, who is the core of her family and care needs to start with you first of all, so you are strong enough for your 3 gorgeous men. Loved spending time with you at the weekend and what a sight we must have been, you hobbling, me no shoes and wobbling for other reasons, through the quiet dark streets of York. Hope to see you again very soon. xxx

    • I agree you’re words were wise that evening and you are also an incredible mum. The boys still can’t believe I stayed out so late but it was a wonderful evening and so much fun 🍸. Thank you for your company xxx

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