Delicate Daffodils, Crocuses and Cowslip, covering the ground like an aromatic carpet, as I take Beedog on her morning walk. The birds are singing and everywhere I turn there are lambs and wild baby bunnies frolicking carefree. Spring has sprung and life is good!
No, actually it is definitely not missing! But for a blissful hour Tuesday morning I was trying my best to not think about all the endless swearing and verbal abuse. I was trying to forget about the mania and chaos that is the unwelcome squatter called ‘trauma bond’, has brought into our home, and I was definitely trying to shut out the aggression and destruction that seems to have become a permanent fixture in our home.
Flowers, birds, lambs, bunnies and the promise of new beginnings has been one of the thing holding me together at the moment.
It won’t probably surprise anyone reading this to hear that the Easter Holidays are more than a little stressful this year and I could go into a long stream of hypothesises on what is causing the tension and strife but the battery on my tablet would probably run out before I could even reach the halfway point.
In truth while the boys’ triggers are important. The time I could spend trying to think of solutions to help others learn from past mistakes, I really need to spend focusing on trying to help the boys regain their equilibrium – a task which for the most part, this holiday break, I have been unsuccessful at, but not for the want of trying I suppose (giving up would have been so much easier at the moment).
Don’t worry this #WASO post is not all doom and gloom.
We did manage an almost harmonious Easter weekend and I found myself joyfully able to sit back and watch Bumble, Beeswax and Buzzbee beavering away and working as a well-oiled machine, dismantling our old trampoline and then building the new one.
Spring was sprung 156 times.
I don’t mind admitting that I was dreading having to deal with the trampoline situation. The boys are not known for their patience when it comes to waiting for things, nor are they for their willingness to let go of even a molecule of control, add to this lethal cocktail, more often than not recently they become experts at pushing Bumble’s buttons far too quickly, and not one of them will even contemplate reading/following the instructions when it comes to building the new trampoline.
But, I have never been so happy to say that I was worrying for nothing (yes, Buzzbee got frustrated a few times when his enthusiasm was outweighed by is physical height or ability, and yes, Bumble had to take several deep breathes when ‘Beeswax the controller’ began to rear his head, but there was no arguments, there was no ‘throwing in the towel’ and more importantly rather than getting impatient with the timescale of taking down and building up. Instead the boys mucked in, listened (well most of the time) and thoroughly enjoyed teasing Bumble when they all got stuck putting the springs on and had to admit that ‘mother knew best’ (WHY DO MEN REFUSE TO READ INSTRUCTION!!!!!).
On a separate note, the next time I suggest that the boys help me with some DIY or decorating, I will NOT be accepting the excuse that they are rubbish at it and it would only end in arguments. I have photographic and video evidence to the contrary and I am not afraid to use it.
Our weekend success continued, the day after, while spending a wonderful afternoon eating fish and chips on the pier and visiting a sand sculpture festival with my 3 men.
While it might feel to Bumble and I at the moment that this half-term we are drowning in teenage angst, and the effects of the boys’ early trauma. Weekends like this are precious to us and give up just a tiny glimmer of hope of one day feeling like a family rather than a spin off episode from the Jeremy Kyle show.