Archive | September 2015

Ten years gone. Ten years on.

This week I was determined to not only, ACTUALLY write a #WASO post, but to make sure I wasn’t still trying to write it on Sunday evening, despite starting it Friday morning.

Hmmm, well my intentions were good, but for many of you who live on ‘planet adoption’, good intentions and best laid plans of mice and men, are no match for how quickly the effects of our children’s trauma can engulf our whole weekend.

This weeks’ #WASO theme is ‘In ten years time’ and while currently I struggle to think about what is happening 10 minute/hours/days from now, this week’s theme has reminded Bumble and I that this year marks the 10 years since we tentatively started on our long road to adoption.

When Bumble and I made our initial enquiry and subsequently attended our LA’s adoption preparation course, we never imagined that 10 years on we would have travelled the paths we have, or experienced the long and emotional journey, as we have.

Bumble and I believed that we were entering this new chapter in our lives, with our eyes open wide and without ‘rose-tinted’ glasses, and some of this was true, but the fact has been, even with the incredible and thorough preparation courses, home studies, training courses and books. We were still naive to the pathways we have had to navigate over the years.

We have experienced more ups and downs, twists and turns, and loop-the-loops, than a white knuckle ride at a theme park. You name an emotion and I am pretty sure, we have experienced it at least once and probably much more as the years have gone on.

Personally, I really struggled with the matching process. Each time we were linked with and interviewed for a potential child/children. I would wrestle with my emotions and expectations, and try to convince myself that I was not building my hopes up and that I wasn’t allowing myself to imagine what it would be like to be their mother, but I was, and so each time we come so close and were then turned down, my heart shattered into little pieces and we needed to ‘take a break’ to dust ourselves off and pick ourselves back up again.

Of course, if we hadn’t kept experiencing the rejection, we would never have begun offering respite placement, we might never have met the boys, and so would not have begun a long journey of self-discovery and awareness of our own personal tolerance levels, not to mention the strength of our marriage – Waxy and Buzz may have a Phd in ‘Button Pushing’, but they always make sure life is NEVER dull. And while we may have missed their earliest years, and are on a daily basis absorbing the misdirected angst and fallout that is driven by their trauma and grief , and every venomous comment/rant they throw our way, we have managed to document many more ‘happy family memory moments’.

So if in the last ten years we have gone from being a childless married couple, to a family who, for all their flaws and quirks, have been (and are still) travelling it together ‘over rainbows’ and through ‘storms’.

Where will we be ‘in ten years time’?

  • Wearing a straight jacket and living in a padded cell?
  • I have finally manage to find an opportunity for some ‘me time’ and I am sunning myself on my own private desert island with a bronzed Adonis to wait on my every need?
  • Watching our boys graduating from school/university?
  • Bumble has final bored of ‘gaming’, resigned from his long-term, secure job and gone back to college to retrain as a painter and decorator and FINALLY decorated our house?
  • I could really have fun with this list but all joking aside, if I could have just one wish for our future. It would be to know that ‘in ten years time’, that we will all still be a family.

I am laughing

Let them eat cake

For this weeks’ #WASO, I will be guest posting for Honey because she is …… Well, maybe once you have read my post you will have an idea why I am writing a post instead of her this week.

Oh, where are my manners? I should introduce myself. I am the infamous and extremely geeky Bumble.

Honey has just celebrated her XXth birthday – it would be more than my life is worth to reveal her age and anyway she may take away my privileges (I know she has told you I love online role-play gaming).

Honey’s Birthday is a tricky event in our household. As is Mother’s Day. Unfairly, our boys are only too happy to celebrate my Birthday and Father’s Day, but the idea of a day dedicated to their mum seems to fill Beeswax in particular with pre-verbal memories of children’s needs being sacrificed for their mother’s desires.

As a result we try not to make too much of a fuss over what should be an opportunity to thank a very special woman for all she does for the three of us. This and having her birthday on the transition from Summer Holidays, which have been tricky for the last three or so years, to the new school year has meant that she can’t really celebrate her birthday the way our family and friends do, and it has been a while since I have got Honey a Birthday Cake – bad Bumble! If I manage to remember to wrap her birthday present and have the boys sign her card in time, then I am onto a winner.

So this year I volunteered to make a Birthday Cake for Honey. Somehow I managed to convince her that it would be healthier for all if she baked the cake, and I then iced it. Buzzbee helped me choose the design and insisted it had to be a chocolate cake with pink icing. I even did a practice run a couple of days before.

The final result didn’t quite look like the picture I was working from but nevertheless it brought a much needed smile to Honey’s face. I’d like to think it was a smile of happiness and not an attempt to stifle hysterical laughter at the pink iced mountain placed in front of her.

husbands love

Every year, I watch Honey go about the day on her birthday, doing what she does and trying her hardest to avoid drawing attention to the day and making the boys’ comfort and happiness, her priority, but it is all for show and self-preservation. Honey grew up in a family that celebrate special occasions with a big fuss and I know it kills her every year to know she can’t have that anymore – we have tried so many times and it is just to distressing for all, even when we have planned an activity which is centred around the boys’ interests.   I live in hope that there will come a time in the years ahead of us that the boys can finally learn to be comfortable with celebrating their mum’s birthday and not be afraid that she will forget about their needs.

But for now, Honey will just have to seek comfort in my culinary masterpiece.   Eat our heart out, Great British Bake Off!