Tag Archive | commitment

Triumphs and Relief

The adoption social’s #WASO theme this week is “A Sense Of Relief”.

When I began to put this post together earlier in the week, my opening line was “What does it feel like to experience a sense of relief nowadays”?

I was feeling pretty jaded after yet another difficult weekend and I was definitely in a ‘Negative Nelly’ headspace and feeling pretty hopeless that things were ever going to change.

Cue: stepping away from writing anymore to said post before I could write something that wasn’t going to send my reading heading for the nearest cliffs like the Lemmings in a computer game I used to play, a long, LONG time ago – and no I am not going to say exactly how long. That would give up my age and as they say ‘you are as young as the husband you feel’. Oh wait that doesn’t work Bumble is 9 years older than me and I don’t want to add extra years on myself. Do I?

lemmings

As the week has drawn out, I am pleased to say that ‘sense of relief’ has washed over the household several times this week, and the majority are Buzzbee related. Although the positive feedback from this has already begun to send ripples of hopeful and positive energy through the household and which I hope will manage to hang around for at least a tiny bit of time once Waxy gets home from school and both boys are home together for the weekend – we can live in hope.

So, what are these fleeting moments of ‘a sense of relief’? What has had me doing a little dance around the lounge this week?

First of all, and really this is a bittersweet side to our first ‘sense of relief’ this week because while finally PAS have got back to us about our request for assessment of our ASF needs and responding to my cries of despair over Waxy’s latest antic, there is a big change that has been slapped onto it.  The time has come for Shamrock (our long term PASW) to hand our file onto a stranger (Ok I should say a new PASW who will take us through our assessment without the shadows of the past always getting in the way). Trusting a new professional will be difficult (especially for me) but knowing that rather than having to constantly be chasing Shamrock because her workload had become so big that our ‘issues’ were small fry compared to others and we were no longer feeling supported by her, we now have a Sydney and so far she seems lovely and is keen to help put things back on track – *deep sigh of relief*

Secondly during the Easter holidays, I visited our GP and spoke to her about our concerns about Buzzbee. I barely begun trying to explain some of the “quirks and anxieties” we are witnessing, before she had heard enough and recommended referring him back to the community paediatrician as these were difficulties that had been flagged up to her before while he was still at school and from her records she could see that CAMHS had in fact not followed the recommendations by the CP for a detailed assessment to be untaken by them in reference to the complex behaviour that his school were reporting – as some of you will know. He was badly let down by CAMHS and treated appallingly.  So our GP sent off a referral but warned us that the paediatrician was in extremely high demand and the waiting list could be anything from 8 – 12 months before we are seen (not ideal but at least she was taking our concerns seriously).

Well, yesterday our wonderful postman delivered a letter which had me skipping for joy. The letter contained an appointment date for Buzzbee to be seen by the community paediatrician who originally did both his and Waxy’s LAC medical and who also sat on our adoption, fostering and matching panel. And even more exciting is the appointment is for 12 weeks’ time (it will take us that long to fill in the mountain of questionnaires that came in the envelope with the appointment letter) – she says as she exhales deeply.

And that leave me with 2 other reasons to feel relieved this week. One, although I am happy that things are moving on and I know will be a welcome relief for my mum and our family, is also tinged with sadness.  After waiting several months, the estate agent who is handling the sale of my nan and granddad’s home, many just have found a buyer for the house and very soon the home where all the family pets are buried and where all the grandchildren, my mum and her sister grew up will no long be part of our family.  But on the flipside, mum will finally be able sign with relief and finalise the distribution of nan and granddad’s estate.

Ok so I have saved the best for last.  Last night Buzzbee successfully managed to overcome his anxiety and join a new evening club, and what’s more, the mammoth self-esteem boost that he has received doing it is even this afternoon still flooding through the house – OK it took Bumble and I, 2 hours last night to bring him back down off the ‘ceiling of success’ and just listening to the excitement in his voice and watching my supercharged, happy little bee, buzzing brought several soppy tears to my eyes – it would be hard for anyone to understand how HUGE his achievement was last night but just in case you want to get a sense of his giddiness here is the link to his own #WASO blog post about it.

While Bumble may have been at work all day, he couldn’t avoid noticing the fog of anxiety and fear that was drowning the hive when he walked through the door and although neither of us wanted to admit that we could see the possibility of it all going south if Buzzbee gets there and really cannot cope.

So on returning from the club after sitting in a room, watching our nervous snapping turtle morphing into energetic songbird, strutting his stuff carefree and nervously trying to interact with the other children and accepting the help of the ladies running the group. Bumble and I had no choice but to let out a huge sigh of relief – Buzzbee had taken a big leap and we were all now basking in his euphoric glow of excitement and sense of achievement.

small triumphs

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Sports Day Pride

welcome to sportsday

I will be the first to admit that when my boy’s schools mess up, I can be hard on them because I am frustrated with them constantly not “getting it” and yes, sometimes it feels like they are not even trying to understand what is driving a specific behaviour or action but this week I have to give credit where credit is due.

This week was Buzzbee’s school sports day and he and they have done him proud.

Sports days in the past 2 years have been stressful, humiliating and emotionally charged for all.

• Buzzbee would be desperate to win everything to prove that he is the best and as a result end up either making a ‘poor choice’ during a race or going all out without really concentrating and ending up falling over shortly before the winning line. Which then further fed into his belief that he is a ‘rubbish child’.
• Buzzbee has fidgeted, thrown himself around the floor doing acrobatic tricks oblivious to the dangers to others around him or has begun to get overly physical with the children he is sitting with.
• 1:1 TA has failed to pick up on his signals until it was too late or ignored my discreet attempts to alert them to a possible issue.
• Staff had been insensitive with their handling of issues that arose during the afternoons resulting in Buzz being filled with shame and publically humiliated.
• Parents at the school (or witches coven as I privately call them) took great pride in openly criticising and demonising him for the behaviours they were seeing and further cemented their view point of me being a weak, inept mother.

So what is different this year? Why was this year so much better for him?

Well in the words of Buzzbee “I wasn’t a wiz-cracker this year when I was racing. I won one race and came 3rd in two more, AND I was on the winning team. I HELPED THEM WIN BECAUSE I SLOWED DOWN!” (Choked mummy moment)

placing

His self-esteem was given a massive boost yesterday and I can’t describe how proud I was of him! I wasn’t proud because he won a race – I was proud because he had learnt from previous years and succeeded in doing it differently this year.
He was given the chance to succeed through the sensitivity of his new 1:1 TAs. They were on the ball. They encouraged and praised him when he needed it and distracted/engaged him when they felt it was necessary, and on the one occasion they nearly missed the signal because one had to nip inside and the other had been distracted by Buzz’s friends, they were not offended by me catching their eye to redirect their attention. Actually it was lovely because I got to see first-hand how far they will go to help him re-centre. He was right – he was noticeably calmer throughout the afternoon.

For some time I have been worried that his needs were too great and maybe that this school is not right for him, but yesterday I saw the first signs that maybe I am premature with my fears. The 1:1 TAs hard work and perseverance in gaining his trust is finally paying off and, after watching them interacting and responding to his needs, I am left not only feeling quite emotional, but also feeling more confident that eventually we will get him to a point where he will feel safe enough to engage with all aspects of school life.

Oh, and on a more selfish note. I can’t tell you how good it felt to hear parents from the school commenting on how well he did and the changes they are noticing in him. Mind you I think they believe it is all down to school and nothing to do with the hard work he is putting in but I don’t care, they are finally getting to see the little boy (sorry young man) I know and love and, more importantly, he is happier.