At the beginning of the year, I promised myself that I would try and give myself time at least once a week to do something for myself that I will enjoy. Writing or more to the point writing down my thoughts is one of those things. I have also found it very therapeutic when times are getting tricky and I need to put events into perspective.
So since starting writing a blog why have I struggled to post very much?
The answer is simple but not straight forward. I have written several posts but for some reason I keep ‘chickening’ out of posting them. Sometimes, it is because I am being over critical about the quality of what I have written, and sometimes I have convinced myself that potential readers will misinterpret my words and be offended or worse still make judgements about me as a mother.
I guess you could say, I have had a ‘crisis of confidence’ and have somehow managed to ‘psych’ myself out.
News Flash: Honey is as avoidant as her boys!
So, the question I have had to ask myself is ‘should I stop the blog before it has even really got going, or should I take a leap of faith and stop worrying so much’?
I cannot change who I am (well not easily anyway). I have always been a perfectionist and I am my own biggest critic. I have very little self-confidence or self-esteem and believe that nobody would want to hear what I have to say, but when I am writing, I feel empowered and free to say what is on my mind without fear of others opinions.
Does this mean that it would be wrong of me to post my thoughts? I don’t think so! Am I letting my own feelings of SHAME about my thoughts get in the way of posting? Almost definitely!
If I asked myself this question a couple of weeks ago, I would probably have said I was going to ‘throw in the towel’ and go back to keeping my thoughts private but last week I asked someone who I hold in high regard and had attended a recent conference with, to look over something that I planned to post on the blog but wanted to make sure I had my facts right before posting it. Her words of support for what I had written have made me sit up and take stock of what I have been doing and how self-destructive my inner-dialogue was becoming.
So, the question is “am I going to stop dithering and continue writing posts for my blog”
The answer is; – YES! I didn’t start writing because I needed validation as a mother from others. I started writing because I enjoy it.
Here is my very late New year’s resolution: –
I am going to keep writing and try to stop fretting so much