This week I was determined to not only, ACTUALLY write a #WASO post, but to make sure I wasn’t still trying to write it on Sunday evening, despite starting it Friday morning.
Hmmm, well my intentions were good, but for many of you who live on ‘planet adoption’, good intentions and best laid plans of mice and men, are no match for how quickly the effects of our children’s trauma can engulf our whole weekend.
This weeks’ #WASO theme is ‘In ten years time’ and while currently I struggle to think about what is happening 10 minute/hours/days from now, this week’s theme has reminded Bumble and I that this year marks the 10 years since we tentatively started on our long road to adoption.
When Bumble and I made our initial enquiry and subsequently attended our LA’s adoption preparation course, we never imagined that 10 years on we would have travelled the paths we have, or experienced the long and emotional journey, as we have.
Bumble and I believed that we were entering this new chapter in our lives, with our eyes open wide and without ‘rose-tinted’ glasses, and some of this was true, but the fact has been, even with the incredible and thorough preparation courses, home studies, training courses and books. We were still naive to the pathways we have had to navigate over the years.
We have experienced more ups and downs, twists and turns, and loop-the-loops, than a white knuckle ride at a theme park. You name an emotion and I am pretty sure, we have experienced it at least once and probably much more as the years have gone on.
Personally, I really struggled with the matching process. Each time we were linked with and interviewed for a potential child/children. I would wrestle with my emotions and expectations, and try to convince myself that I was not building my hopes up and that I wasn’t allowing myself to imagine what it would be like to be their mother, but I was, and so each time we come so close and were then turned down, my heart shattered into little pieces and we needed to ‘take a break’ to dust ourselves off and pick ourselves back up again.
Of course, if we hadn’t kept experiencing the rejection, we would never have begun offering respite placement, we might never have met the boys, and so would not have begun a long journey of self-discovery and awareness of our own personal tolerance levels, not to mention the strength of our marriage – Waxy and Buzz may have a Phd in ‘Button Pushing’, but they always make sure life is NEVER dull. And while we may have missed their earliest years, and are on a daily basis absorbing the misdirected angst and fallout that is driven by their trauma and grief , and every venomous comment/rant they throw our way, we have managed to document many more ‘happy family memory moments’.
So if in the last ten years we have gone from being a childless married couple, to a family who, for all their flaws and quirks, have been (and are still) travelling it together ‘over rainbows’ and through ‘storms’.
Where will we be ‘in ten years time’?
- Wearing a straight jacket and living in a padded cell?
- I have finally manage to find an opportunity for some ‘me time’ and I am sunning myself on my own private desert island with a bronzed Adonis to wait on my every need?
- Watching our boys graduating from school/university?
- Bumble has final bored of ‘gaming’, resigned from his long-term, secure job and gone back to college to retrain as a painter and decorator and FINALLY decorated our house?
- I could really have fun with this list but all joking aside, if I could have just one wish for our future. It would be to know that ‘in ten years time’, that we will all still be a family.