Keep holding on

 

This weeks’ Adoption social #WASO theme is ‘reasons to be cheerful’ and from the perspective of the outside world, I have plenty of things to be ‘cheerful’ about.

  • I have two beautiful sons who make sure my days are NEVER dull, and just seeing them letting go and just ‘being’ is enough to live anyone who really knows them spirits.
  • I have a wonderful husband who is also a wonderful dad (even when he is butting heads with them both).
  • I have two wonderful and supportive parents who ‘get it’ most of the time and even when they don’t, they don’t try to tell me ‘they know best’.
  • Home educating Buzzbee, I get to see his true personality shining through every day and watch him grow physically and emotionally.
  • I have Beedog, who is always happy to see me with a big wet kiss, a manic wag of her stumpy little tail and her sidewinder wiggle.
  • Where I live, we are blessed by lush green fields, hillsides, woodlands, rivers and canals to be able to visit and walk in.

And, they are right! There are so many other reasons that I could list here, but for several reasons, at the moment I am struggling to identify them.

At a time when I should be gleefully making plans for our holiday to Disneyland Paris and getting excited over the little details like Character breakfasts and visiting Paris itself. I have let Beeswax’s stupid school get inside my head. Leaving me consumed with misplaced guilt over taking Buzz on holiday while Waxy is on his school skiing holiday – ridiculous I know!

At a time when I am seeing Buzzbee making tiny steps in the right direction and I should be celebrating it. I am worrying that I am not doing enough for him and I am failing him because I have not managed to get the ‘powers to be’ to acknowledge that he is being short changed, support wise.

I could go on but who would that help? Not me, that is for sure!

Last week after a particularly stressful meeting at Waxy’s school, Shamrock (PASW) and I went for a quick drink and a brief catch up and while trying to explain to her that all is not okay in the Hive at the moment. I don’t know if it was the way I delivered my explanation or because I was running on nervous adrenaline for fear of her getting the wrong end of the stick, but somehow I stuffed it up completely because on leaving the café, Shamrock announced “it is lovely to see you looking so well” – that’s what I get for managing for once to put on some make up.

So if this is what Shamrock was truly seeing then I am determined to end this VERY disorganised post with a smile metaphorically painted on my face.

It is not that I am not thankful for everything I have or that I have fallen into such a deep well of despair that I have become numb to the joys around me. It is just at the moment I am having to work that little bit harder to recognise it all.

And, on those days, for now, anytime I need a reminder that I do have ‘reasons to be cheerful’. I can look back over my #TakingCare100 photos, smile and remember why I chose that picture on that day.

takingcare2label

taking carelabel

 

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4 thoughts on “Keep holding on

    • Thank you. It is so easy to get swept away by all the stress and trauma that comes with living on ‘planet adoption’ and I am certainly guilty at the moment of losing sight of the good bits. I look forward to reading your #TakingCare100 post next week xx

  1. Thanks, as always, for your support with #WASO and for taking on the theme. It is sometimes tough to find the reasons to be cheerful amongst the tough days (weeks, months delete as appropriate) but it’s lovely to see your photos and know that however tough, you’re still taking care – keep it up xx

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